Valuing time with children
Children are among the most precious and greatest gifts of God the Most High. And to raise them in a good manner is every parent’s responsibility. Children are a trust given to their parents. Parents are fundamentally responsible for the moral, ethical and religious education of their children.
However, although raising children is the most essential task, it is also perhaps the most difficult in today’s modern life. In this ever-changing and fast moving world, when parents are always busy in their work, the children are often left behind. A women’s place is no longer in the home but at work. One of the main disadvantages of this is that children lack parental care when both mother and father have jobs. In recent times, parents focus more on giving their children a luxurious life instead of giving them time, attention and love. However, they forget that these luxuries are not going to teach their children the etiquette, ethics and proper manners of life.
A luxurious upbringing may work temporarily but it will not work for the long haul. Very often, as busy mothers get caught up in the daily household chores and try to do everything that needs to be done, she forgets that these works are not enough in raising a child. When children are growing up, it is important that they are made a priority. Too often, parents get so involved in their own pursuits that they neglect the needs of their children.
Parents’ relationships should be turned towards children during their growing years. This does not mean that they should live life for them or grant them all that they desire, but rather that they give them the time, attention, and support that they need. Whether parents are working or stay-at-home, whatever their role, the most precious thing they can give to their children is precious time.
A personal investment in children is much more important to them than any toy, video game or electronic gadget. Every child is different; some children will just want a little of your time while others want to be around you every minute. Spending more time with your children is not necessarily better. It is what you do with the time that counts. Having short but exclusive time with your children may make them feel like they are special to you.
The nature of children is like a plain sheet of paper. Whatever is printed on it initially will stay forever. Therefore, it is important to create good images on this clean and pure page, whatever habit, good or evil is instilled in childhood remains for life. One of the most important aspects of raising children is for the parents to provide them with the right training.
According to Islamic traditions, the best gift that parents can provide to their children is teachings that can help them live as responsible human being and as a Muslim adult fulfilling the rights of the Almighty. This can lead them to succeed in this world and hereafter as well.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The best gift to children from parents is their correct upbringing” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi).
Paying attention means more than being physically present. It means how to listen to your children, how to talk with them, and how to respond to their actions. Parents need to make it a priority to spend extended time with them.
Every child needs to feel like he/ she is cared for and loved equally by both his parents. Unfortunately, it often happens that children become closer to one parent, while the other parent stays out of touch for long hours on business and work commitments.
Today, the family has become a part of parent’s schedule and not vice versa. The perfect way to spend leisure time with children, should be to keep work and family time separate from each other, while giving due justice to both areas of life.
Our children want to know that we think they matter. So they need time with us and nothing can compensate for our time. It is through quality and quantity of time that we form powerful positive memories for our children. Childrens’ ability to manage stress, feel confident and motivate themselves in later life has a lot to do with their early childhood experiences.
A person’s self-confidence is their sense of who they are and how they feel about their place in their family and community. This begins to develop between the ages of two and six years. In fact, positive relationships between parents and children are an important part of constructing a child’s positive self-concept. A child who feels constantly blamed, judged and criticized may grow up to become an adult with a negative self-concept.
Parents have the obligation to show love, kindness and mercy to their children. This will help children to develop normal and stable personalities and will make it easier for children to love and respect their parents and elders when they grow up: it is essential for them to know our love is unconditional.
We may not see much coming of it now but this practice will return positive results in the future. Gaining the trust of your children is the greatest asset any parent can hope for and once you are in their good books, you can be confident that your children will never make wrong decisions when it comes to their own lives.
It is important for parents to be aware of the events happening in their childrens’ life and must participate in discussions about them so as to guide them to the right path. Growing up can be confusing and especially difficult in adolescence. Parents can share their own experiences and failures with their children, so that the child is made aware of the consequences of their thoughts and actions.
Every human has to depart from this world. On departure if he has left behind good deeds which will be beneficial to mankind and a means of guidance to it, then even after death his soul will continue to receive rewards.
One of the charities for a family is leaving behind pious children, whose prayers continue to provide rewards and salvation for them even after their death.
The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “When a person leaves this world his deeds come to an end. But there are three types of deeds which continue to be rewarded even after death. These are: Sadaka - e-Jariyah, leaving behind education from which mankind would be benefitting, and pious children, who will continue to pray for their salvation”.
The need of the hour is to understand and value the significance of parenting a child and train him/ her to be a worthy and dynamic human being for the family and for the society
MARYAM HEDAYAT
