Bullying: when school turns into a branch of Hell

They hate Mondays and grab any excuse to stay home.

They prepare for each new day as if it were their last battle, knowing in advance that they are doomed to defeat.

Their fragile souls are overcome by fear, hatred, despair, a sense of their own insignificance, pain. They try their best to hide their feelings from others until... And behind this there may be an abyss and death, which will draw a line between “children’s pranks”, “who did not have this at school” and a resounding tragedy.

Today, according to the portal “No Bullying”, 44% of children in our country aged 11 and older have become objects of bullying.

There is always one initiator of bullying, he begins to assert his authority in this way, wants to get some benefit or just have fun. He always has a ‘retinue’, there are observers, there is a ‘support group’.

They facilitate every step of the instigator of the conflict, laugh at his jokes and try to show their involvement in what is happening. According to psychologists, the behavior of the ‘gang’ affects the child-victim even more than the aggression of the instigator. Such indirect hostility may drive him to the thought of suicide.

The author of the book “Bullying in School: What We Know and What We Can Do”, Dan Olweus, says that aggressors are usually children who are convinced that only by dominating and subordinating can they achieve their goals, who are not prone to empathy and sympathy, are physically developed and easily excitable. It is important to understand that they also are susceptible to the destructive effect of bullying. Children who are the initiators of bullying at school are predisposed to breaking the law, are prone to depression and suicidal tendencies.

Often adults do not suspect what is happening to a child at school until the conflict becomes extremely aggressive. Children do not want to tell their parents about the humiliation that is happening to them. How do you to understand that a child has become a victim of bullying?

Physical impact

Often bullying is expressed in physical violence: kicks, pushes and blows. If a child has always been neat but suddenly began to come home in dirty, torn clothes, with marks from fights and, when asked by parents, comes up with ridiculous explanations and this happens on a regular basis, then you cannot ignore what is happening. Constant disappearance of hats, jackets, stationery, textbooks and broken equipment should also alert adults.

“My mother was a nurse, my father got by with part-time jobs. I dressed worse than everyone else in the class, I was very weak. Starting from the fifth or sixth grade, my classmates despised me. Each of them would push me, throw my things. Sitting with me was a disgrace. No one wanted to share a pen or pencil with me or even just say hello. It was useless to complain to my parents, they already beat me for every bad grade. And the teachers did not notice… My classmates managed to humiliate me when no one was looking: during the big break, in the locker room before gym. I left school after the 9th grade for college, everything changed there but I remember my school years as hell. I urge everyone who has faced bullying not to remain silent. Find at least one person who will be on your side. If it is your mother, this is good, if not, then your grandmother, uncle, aunt, or one of the teachers. It is very difficult to get out of this hell alone.” S., 32 years old.

Truancy

For parents, children’s reluctance to go to school appears to have one explanation: laziness. But the reason may be very different. If a child constantly tries to sneak out of class and along with this develops other patterns of behavior that have not been typical for him before, adults need to understand what is really happening to him. If a student avoids questions in every possible way, then you can try to discuss your own school experience with him in order to lead to a frank conversation. As an example, you can use characters from books or films.

“I was looking for any reason to skip classes. I loved studying but, after moving, I ended up in a new school and from the first day they hated me. I still do not understand why. I dressed like everyone else, I got Bs. But the whole class tormented me. One time I found the contents of a trash can in my backpack. Offensive nicknames, stupid taunts and the constant disgusting laughter of my classmates drove me crazy. I ran out into the cold with a wet head, warmed up the thermometer, drank laxatives – did everything to skip classes. Mother realized that something strange was happening to me. She did not engage in a showdown but simply transferred me to another class.” R., 25 years old.

Behavior has changed dramatically

Bullying does not always involve physical impact. Evil, caustic phrases leave abrasions not on the body but on the soul. The child develops insomnia, headaches and anxiety. Often, bullying at school affects his academic performance. If the child has dropped to twos, you need to figure out what the reason is; perhaps he simply did not understand the subject. But, if the reason is school bullying, no tutors, extra classes or disgruntled parental remarks will fix the situation.

The child’s phone never stop ringing

Cyberbullying is a type of aggression that is no less dangerous than physical impact. In this case, it is impossible to hide from the bullies even at home. Parents do not understand what is happening: calls late at night and an incessant stream of messages. Adults accuse a child of spending days on the phone, while right before their eyes he is being morally killed and trampled. Fearing that mother and father will not understand, will blame him for what happened, the exhausted schoolboy deletes and hides correspondence, listens to many threats from brutal haters. As we know, on the Internet, under conditions of anonymity, people show themselves in the most vicious way.

“My daughter’s phone did not stop ringing, she was called day and night. From different strange numbers. Aggressive threats, offensive comments were received on social networks. At first, I thought that her number accidentally ended up in some database. But after my own investigation, it turned out that this was the work of her classmates. The perpetrators decided to bully her online. As a result, the school principal found out about this, as well as the parents of the aggressor girls and the situation in the team was very tense. My daughter transferred to another class.” D., 46 years old.

The child begs for money

If children constantly ask for money for something but cannot explain what they spent it on, then it is possible that money is being extorted from them. Perhaps a schoolchild buys other children sweets and pays for entertainment in the hope that he will be accepted into their company. Having noticed this or even having discovered the loss of something from your wallet, you should never pounce on the child with accusations and aggression. This way, he may lose his last hope and stronghold of peace in the person of his parents.

The child loses friends

There are stereotypes that quiet, withdrawn children become victims of bullying but in reality, anyone can fall under the aggression of their peers. Success in creativity, study, unusual appearance, social status of the family, any differences from the masses can become a reason for hatred. The saddest thing is that, faced with bullying in a group, a child can be left completely alone. Friends, fearing that aggression will affect them, break off relations with him.

“After the summer holidays, I returned to school and did not recognize my class. It was as if my classmates had been replaced. I was always a little plump and gained weight over the summer. For everyone I became fat. Do not sit with the fat girl, do not talk to the fat girl, fat - your skirt will burst. They were very cruel. My mother and teachers helped me. They did not arrange cruel showdown, but began to work on my classmates. Mother, in order to support my self-esteem, enrolled me in a fitness programme and the class teacher was able to show the children what they look like, acting as aggressors. I graduated from school and entered teacher training college. I understand that it is impossible to overcome bullying in a school community through aggression; for this you need attention, calmness and concern of adults - both parents and teachers.” A., 19 years old.

Bullying: when school turns into a branch of Hell