Arrogance of Husband and Wife
Arrogance is a quality that leads to troubles, difficulties and family problems and it does not matter which spouse it comes from.
It is very important for every human being to understand the nature of mental weaknesses. For example, if a person says that he has no pride in himself, then this is already a manifestation of pride. Thus one needs to try to be humble, since this is the opposite of pride, as well as to learn to forgive, be lenient, gentle and compliant, think and reflect about where a person comes from and where he will return.
In the 23rd ayah of the Sura “AnNahl” the Almighty says (meaning of the commentary): “... Indeed, He (the Lord) does not love the arrogant.” Therefore, the Almighty tells us that He does not like it when a husband shows arrogance towards his wife and children, as well as when a wife shows pride and disobedience towards her husband. Accordingly we need to work and fight the pride in ourselves.
When the prophet Musa (Moses), peace be upon him, was granted the great honour of speaking with the Almighty Lord, he said, “O my Lord, who is the most hated of creations for you, whom you have deprived of Your Grace most of all?” The Almighty answered, “He who has an arrogant heart, a rough tongue and greedy hands.” An “arrogant heart” means one who considers himself superior to others, a special person.
A “rough tongue” is one who swears, does not speak softly and does not give guidance. “Greedy hands” means one who, having the opportunity, does not help relatives and friends, as well as hurts his family and infringes on his wife financially. Abu Lays al-Samarkandi said that pride is a quality of unbelievers and selfish people, who consider themselves special. And humility, forgiveness and gentleness are the qualities of prophets and righteous people. Therefore, pride and arrogance lead a person to Hell and forgiveness, indulgence and gentle character are the key to Paradise.
In many ayat of the Koran Almighty Allah condemns the manifestation of pride and praises those who show humility. For example, one of them says (the meaning of the commentary to the 4th ayah of Sura Al-Qalam), “And you are truly (a man) of outstanding character.”
After all, our Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was the best example to follow in everything: he used to repair shoes, mend clothes and help the family with the housework. He showed the best morals in everything. He would never complain about food. If he liked something, he would eat it. If he disliked it, he would leave it.
If one intends to start working on himself, he should definitely begin with his attitude towards the family, for one’s wife and children are those whom we see every day. According to Ibn Masood, may God be pleased with him, it is reported that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Arrogance is rejecting truth and looking down on people.” (Narrated by Muslim).
One night, a guest came to Umar ibn Abd ul-Aziz while he was writing. But, suddenly the lamp went out, so Umar got up and fixed the lamp. His guest exclaimed, “You have got up yourself, the king of believers! Why didn’t you ask one of your servants to do so?! Umar replied, “Nothing happened, I fixed it and returned and I am still Umar. I lost nothing of me! The best people for God are those who are humble.” This story shows us a noble character of the ruler, who had no pride in his heart. In short, I would like to urge spouses to pay more attention to each other, as well as to communication and family entertainment.
MUHAMMAD-FARUK AZIMOV
