Why do we scream at children and what does it lead to?

It often happens that angry adults, trying to prove something to children, lose their usual manner.

Our tranquility and prudence are replaced by aggression and a face distorted with anger and an unbearable scream. How to learn to cope with anger and convey one’s position to children without raising the decibels of one’s voice?

I scream because I feel bad

We often live in a state of stress. Fatigue, fear for the future, and other personal experiences tend to accumulate and a mug broken by a child becomes the last straw and causes a very violent reaction. According to British psychotherapist Donald Woods Winnicott, screaming is not an indicator that parents are not coping well with their role; it is important to work through feelings of guilt and understand the reasons for their behavior. One of the reasons for this behavior of adults may be the impact of their own childhood experiences. If we grew up constantly hearing our parents scream, then this pattern of behavior will most likely manifest itself in us. We may realise that this is the wrong approach to parenting, being educated and sensitive people but this experience will manifest itself in us until we analyse our childhood traumas and begin to consciously approach the process of raising children.

Screaming is destructive

Our violent and aggressive reaction to a child’s actions does not lead to the changes we want to achieve. If children constantly live under such emotional pressure, this can lead to physiological changes: nervous tics, stuttering, insomnia and compulsive symptoms (child biting nails, pulling out hair, etc.).

Self-esteem problems may also be caused by parental aggression. Children completely lose faith in their own abilities and are deprived of competency to solve even the simplest problems. By scolding children for every mistake, we destroy their trust and they begin to hide all their thoughts and feelings. Over time, this leads to complete alienation between family members.

How to deal with emotions?

If feelings of anger begin to overtake common sense, we need to cool down. Take a cold shower, walk, breathe deeply and try to return to yourself through the sensations of your body. Cold water promotes this very well; it activates the autonomic nervous system and relieves tension. You should understand when and why conflict situations occur and try to solve the problems that lead to them. For example, establish a routine so that the child wakes up in the morning without any problems. Teach children to put away their things so that their room does not become cluttered. Under any circumstances, it is better to avoid raising your voice: even if you are just calling your child, it is better to get up and approach him and explain what you need from him.

What to do if a quarrel occurs?

If a conflict does occur, talk to the child, explain how you feel, and apologise. Ask your child what emotions he is experiencing, listen carefully to everything he says. If the child is tactile, hug him and stay close. In the future do not even jokingly return to a negative situation.

Why do we scream at children and what does it lead to?