When a mother has no more strength
Being a mother is a serious science
You can read dozens of books on raising children but until you raise your own little one, you are just a theorist. Being a mother is a practice. And each of us has moments when we want to lock ourselves in a back room, go for a walk through the streets at night or escape from our children for a month in a remote village.
Of course, such impulses quickly pass. But the fatigue remains. And with it comes the desire to yell and snap at our children. Where do we find the strength, that we so desperately need: we are mothers that are raising, caring, worrying, crying at night, cleaning, cooking, working and demanding so much of ourselves?
Allow yourself to be a normal mother
Modern society is very strict with mothers. For the last 5-10 years, everyone has been talking about the psychological trauma inflicted by parents, about how to raise a child, about the need to keep up with everything. In this marathon of perfect fathers and mothers, only the strongest win. The rest fall somewhere on the sidelines, living with guilt and constant fatigue from this race. Stop participating in this game.
“I watched the lives of mommy bloggers with many children. Beautiful house, beautiful children, beautiful dinners, beautiful outfits. And I sadly looked at my own children, all close in age, running around the house in old T-shirts and tights with pilling. Then I went out to the playground and listened to how supermoms were doing with their two-year-olds: gymnastics, reading, educational games and so on ad infinitum. Shame, guilt and fear that my children would be the worst, I lived with this. And then for the summer, I went to visit my grandmother with my daughter and son. The internet was bad and there was not a single ideal mother in the neighbourhood. And I realised that you can be a good mother even if your children cannot read by age four and run around the garden in faded shorts, covered head to toe in cherry juice. I advise all mothers to stop comparing themselves to anyone else. You are trying! Your children are growing up with love! That is enough.” (Elmira, 28 years)
Sleep, nutrition, activity
Mothers always put their own needs last. If even the healthiest and strongest person is deprived of proper rest, fed whatever’s handy, forced to sit for hours in uncomfortable positions, then very soon they will begin to lose ground: irritability and constant lethargy will set in. And if you add to this the noise, the need to resolve conflicts between children and the need to use your imagination to entertain them, where will you find the strength to remain a sweet, smiling and cheerful homemaker? Make yourself proper breakfasts, go to bed with your child and do basic exercises. It will be difficult at first to break your usual habits, but once you feel a surge of energy, you will never want to go back to the past.
“I was the most tired mother of many children in the world. Three children, a husband who also needs attention and a house that descends into chaos the moment I stop doing something. One day, I looked in the mirror and was horrified: dark circles under my eyes, a furrowed brow, my hair all messed up. An angry woman, dissatisfied with the world. And this is me? First of all, I completely cut social media out of my life. I started going to bed with my little ones at 10 pm. Then I bought a treadmill. I gave up endless tea parties with sweets in favor of proper meals. It is all banal, but it works 200%.” (Maryam, 33 years)
