What to do with a reproachful husband - to escape or to love?
What does family life consist of? Sometimes it seems to us that the relationship with the other half is an endless series of reproaches, mutual accusations and claims.
But let us be honest - every family goes through such stages - of course, if you do not focus on the “ideal couples” from social networks. So, what to do? Live, bathing in constant negativity? Or is it worth trying to learn to express emotions without spoiling each other’s mood?
Reproach = dissatisfaction
The mother of all reproaches is dissatisfaction. Often, a loved one who criticises you is dissatisfied not with your behavior, actions, habits but with his own life. He expresses feelings and experiences, broken expectations and hopes through reproaches addressed to the one who is closest to him - his wife. Not every man is able to openly talk about his weak points, and by addressing caustic remarks to his wife and causing her violent reaction, he shares his emotional pain. But this is similar to a conversation between two foreigners. The spouses do not understand each other. Resentment and anger make their relationship increasingly tense. Needs remain unnoticed. “You are a terrible housewife, you cannot even clean properly!” – “And you are heartless, ungrateful, you will not even say a kind word!” Mutual bombardment of reproaches pushes people who love each other further and further away. Of course, by making claims in such an ultimatum form, one cannot expect a constructive dialogue. “It is all because of you”, “You are to blame for everything”, “If it were not for you...” - such judgments put the partner in the position of the guilty one.
Reproach = concern
Constant nagging and comments from your significant other can have a positive effect. They indicate that your spouse is not indifferent to your relationship. He or she desperately needs something from you. Most people expect at least the most basic human attention, warmth, care, affection. Rarely do reproaches come from only one side - everything is mutual. Often, in order to prick each other more painfully, spouses use more than just words. Gestures, looks, facial expressions, complete ignoring of a loved one - all this is used. Focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one, we stop noticing his or her virtues, completely destroying trust and closeness in the family. Often one takes the position of a critical “parent”, the other ends up in the role of a “child”. All this gives rise to aggression, a desire to defend oneself or simply run away - to work, to friends or to look for a new significant other.
How to respond to verbal jabs
By asking ourselves: “Why and for what reason is this happening to me?”, we will only increase the emotional distance with our partner and strengthen our internal protest. If the relationship is really important, then it is necessary to try to find a way out of the current situation together with your spouse.
Try to use “I-messages”, openly discussing the situation with your husband. Explain how criticism affects you and offer another way to resolve conflict situations. Sometimes it is difficult for us to remain calm, but this is the first step to breaking this vicious circle of mutual reproaches. When responding to your husband’s criticism, express your attitude to what is happening as restrainedly as possible. Never invent your own versions of what is happening. Ask, clarify with your spouse. As we have already figured out, often behind the reproaches is not the harmful character of the other half, but dissatisfaction with their life, so encourage your loved one to express themselves more constructively, describe their needs and desires. If you really want to put an end to such conflicts, pay attention to your role. Try to answer yourself honestly: do your words and actions hurt your loved one? Remember that it is never too late to establish healthy communication with your loved one.
If it is important for a husband and wife to maintain closeness and you are united not only by love for each other, but also by love for the Almighty, then there will definitely be time and energy for a constructive dialogue.
