How to return to good relations in the family
How to return to good relations in the family
My husband does not want to understand me. Maybe I am doing something wrong; I do not know, please give some advice. We have been living together for two and a half years but we have no children. My husband does not pray and I pray from time to time though I know that each missed prayer is a big sin.
For several days he did not stay at home at night. Because of it I had unreasonable suspicions; I was frightened that he had another woman. He always said that loves me... I constantly rang him but he seldom answered. I thought only about the bad and was crying all night. Yesterday he did not answer the phone again.When he came home I was crying. Then I said him all I thought about this situation -“You can divorce, if you have no desire to see and hear me!” He was shocked. He said that he loves me and wants to be only with me. But our relations are not as they were before. I want to return to our former relations, when we lived in perfect harmony... What can I do? What must I change in my behavior? How to make his good attitude return?
Now let us give answers to these questions from different viewpoints, i.e. the religious and the psychological.
Religious opinion
First of all you must know that the prayer is a religious pillar. Neglect of an obligatory prayer is one of the heavy sins. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “One who will neglect and miss a prayer, will meet God оn the Day of Judgment angry with him.” (“Kanzul-ummal”, No. 18875).
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) also said, “The first that a slave will be asked about at Doomsday is prayer. And if it will be correct, the slave will save himself and will succeed, but if it will not be correct, the slave will fail and will be a loser.” (“Kanzul-ummal”, No. 18877).
Do not neglect the eternal life. Start to pray and encourage your husband to do so if you really love and value him. Do not expect fortune and wellbeing to be in the house where you sin every day.
God the Almighty says in the Koran (meaning), “O you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other …” (Sura Al-Hujurat, ayah 12)
Based on these arguments, to think that people are bad and also spy on them is a sin! Suspecting your husband of betrayal and checking on where he is and what he is doing at any moment is also not good; you are sinning. There are no grounds to accuse a husband of betrayal if he works hard and stays at home very seldom. Your husband’s fault is that he tries to provide you with a good life. He is too gentle and kind to you.
All your suspicions and negative feelings only split your family and come from Satan. He tries to destroy your marriage and cause you misfortune.
Do not fall for his ruse but restrain yourself. After all, your husband says that he loves and is loyal to you, what more do you want more? If you do not stop constantly call your husband and surrounding him with your excessive jealousy, you will achieve that in one “fine” day he will agree to divorce you.
You cannot become pregnant and because of this you may have related suspicions too. Maybe without a baby you cannot feel yourself a perfect woman. Your fears are linked with this. You think that he can find another woman who will give him a baby. We do not want to go into further details in looking into this topic. We think a psychologist should advise about it.
You and your husband should go to a doctor and be checked medically.
As a last resort you can use a service such as artificial insemination. Our religion does not forbid artificial insemination if you observe the following rules:
1) the seed should belong to the husband of the woman;
2) a decent Muslim doctor should carry out the fertilization.
However, it is necessary to know that in everything there is wisdom. There might be a reason why you cannot become pregnant. Indeed, there are a lot of parents who regret that they have children (for example, if their children are murderers, criminals, etc.).
Psychologist view
It is good that you are paying attention to an existing problem and have begun to look for the answers in yourself. Such an approach helps you to accept psychologically appropriate decisions and foster desirable relations in your family. If you want to change the attitude of your husband, you should change your behavior. All positive and negative moments occurring in your family directly depend on you. It is absolutely clear that you have a fear of losing your husband because you do not manage to get a child. This happens very often, if woman has a disease or the blood of partners is incompatible, for instance. In such situations the woman fears that her husband will leave her and will marry again. What is really important for you? Stop being in fear because it destroys all your social life - all your fears which have no basis can eventuate in reality.
When you start to give in to your fears, you depart further and further from your husband, thereby convincing yourself that you were right.
Jealousy is a poison and, if you do not find an antidote in time, it will ruin your family relations. As a rule, the succession of events occurs according to the following scheme: Your suspicions and charges will necessitate your husband to hide from you certain details of his life and when you find out you become even more sure that your suspicions were correct.
For this reason you should avoid questions linked with your suspicions and start to believe in your husband. We perfectly understand that it will be hard, but we are sure you can do it because your further family life depends on it. Remember how you behaved yourself when your husband and you had a warm relationship, and ask some questions of yourself: Is your behavior the same as earlier? Do you do all right and nothing wrong?
What do you usually feel, when you call your husband? Most likely, there is increasing emotion, which turns into fear and panic when your husband does not answer in time. Because of this you think only about what is bad and imagine things which are not real.What do you think, is this right? Change the nature of your behavior, be yourself and then you will notice the situation itself will become better.
And never lose the hope that God the Almighty will present you with a child, undergo treatment and conduct your way of life correctly. Do not abandon the performance of obligatory prayers because your efforts and persistence in doing so will lead your husband to perform prayers also.
