How to find the one and the only?

How to find the one and the only?

Family is a small part of the big world where a person hopes to find love and understanding. Thus many of us search for a loved one, because only he who feels our heart and sees our soul can love and understand us.

During our life we come across many good people but the heart ignores all of them until we meet exactly the one who feels the same as we do.

Girls and boys who have not yet married often ask their elder friends such questions as, “How can I recognize that very only person?”

It is a nice question that makes everyone wonder. How, indeed, can we find the one and the only?

Perhaps they recognise a sweetheart by the way he or she walks or maybe by the colour of their hair or the manner of speaking?

What should one pay attention to in such a complex situation?

Our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) gave clear instructions for choosing a life partner for both men and women. When one faces this problem, one might first recall the following two hadith.

Men were recommended the following, “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her noble ancestry, her beauty and her religion. So win the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Narrated by Al Bukhari).

Addressing the fathers of women, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him in marriage.” (Narrated by At Tirmidhi).

Thanks to these guidelines, we know how to choose the right life partner but the problem is that there are many good, religious and well mannered people and we need to choose only one of them (or four, i.e. man is allowed to take four wives).

How can you recognize the one and the only?

Let me answer this question, because I have one conviction that has been tested by life. Perhaps it may be useful to you at the right time.

I am convinced that in this matter (as well as in others) you need to listen to your heart.

Since it was the heart that Allah the Almighty made as “a place of knowledge, impression and enlightenment.” Thus it is able to feel that very dear person, even from a distance. And through all the long years of searching, the heart does not allow us to doubt that the most important meeting of our life is still ahead; we just need to be patient and to continue on our way.

I’m sure it never makes mistakes and always gives us the right guidance.

But, unfortunately, we do not know or do not want to listen to it and reject the wise promises of the heart for the sake of our passions and interests. We choose a person because of a hair colour which is popular or eyes or walk or other qualities and criteria. We choose such people even though our heart may be violently opposed to such union.

We realize that we made a wrong choice only when we find out that person with whom we live is quite alien to us: we do not understand each other, we cannot find common ground and there is always an abyss between us.

Therefore, I am convinced that if people, when choosing their soul mates, rely on the guidance left us by the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and listened to their hearts, there would be much fewer mistakes in this world and there would be many less divorces.

I ask Almighty Allah to guide us and help us choose only those people who will be good for us and for whom we will be good and I wish happiness in both worlds to my dear brothers and dear sisters!

RAYA AKAVOVA PSYCHOLOGIST