The prophet of the little ones too

The success of guidebooks such as “Supernanny and How to Speak so that Kids Will Listen and Listen so that Kids Will Speak” attests to the need parents have for advice, techniques and direction in learning how to become effective parents. Different eras and divergent groups may debate the best way to raise children. But Muslims can look to the Sunna for the example which the Prophet left us, both as parents and murabbi (moral mentors).

Children in the Household of the Messenger of Allah

Those who were children around the Messenger report playing with him, laughing with him and receiving his spiritual guidance. It is little wonder, then, that when they matured they became, perhaps, the greatest collective force dedicated to the transmission of his teachings.

They entered his home and found in it not only a sanctuary but a spiritual school.

Many children were raised in his household: His own children and grandchildren; members of his extended family, like Ali ibn Abi Talib; those that served him, such as Anas and Zaid; others for whom he took responsibility for raising them by marrying their widowed mothers, like the children of Umm Salamah; and the nephews of his wives, including Abdullah ibn Zubayr, who spent large amounts of time in the house of his aunt Aisha, and Abdullah ibn Abbas, who grew up under his shadow.

All of them hastened to spend time in his company, spending their childhoods under the spiritual tutelage of the Prophet , thus becoming primary inheritors of his rich legacy. These children were the men and women who rose to prominence as moral and intellectual giants among succeeding generations.

Secrets of His Success

If we hope to understand how the Prophet unlocked the human greatness in these children, we must try to cull the principles underlying his interaction with them and apply them systematically as child raising strategies. At least nine crucial characteristics emerge as patterns of prophetic qualities of parenting.

By parenting, here, we mean all instructive or meaningful contact between significant adults and the children who come into their spheres, even for brief time. Here are the virtues the Prophet practiced with children:

1. HE FREELY EXPRESSED HIS LOVE FOR THEM

None in his household ever doubted his love for him or her, for he was quick to display his affection.

He expressed his love through nurturing and comfort. He consoled them himself but also was moved by the crying of children in the presence of their parents. On hearing his grandsons cry, he told his daughter, Fatimah to soothe them, for he had compassion for their distress.

The orphaned children of his cousin Jafar found comfort in the loving hands of the Prophet who shared the pain of their loss, held them close and took responsibility for their welfare.

He expressed his love through physical touch. His touch could be comforting, as when he held young infants or stroked the hair of a child on his lap. It could be playful, as it was when his grandchildren rode on his back. Even when Fatimah was an adult, he would rise to greet her and kiss her hands as an expression of his deep affection for her.

He gave them his focused attention and companionship. Whether they were young or older, he would be the first to greet, the most attentive of listeners, the last to remove his hand from the handshake and the last to turn his back when the conversation had ended.

He expressed his love through verbal declarations. There were many, from Fatimah, to Aisha, to his granddaughter Umamah who he called the “most beloved” of people to him. But words of love were not only limited to his own family, as we see from the following hadith from Muadh:

“One day the Prophet said to him, “Muadh, I love you! I am advising you to supplicate at the close of every salah (obligatory prayer): ‘O Allah! Aid me in Your remembrance and Your due thanks and what is most beautiful in Your worship.’” (Narrated by Abu Dawud)

He preceded a lesson in worship by first declaring his affections for his young followers: What a wonderful way of engaging a student!

He expressed his love through dua and the Prophet's supplications were accepted! While carrying his grandson Hasan on his shoulders, he prayed for him, “O Allah! I love him. So love him.”

2. HE WAS PATIENT, SEEING THE CHILD RATHER THAN THE ACT OF DISOBEDIENCE

From spills on the carpet, to broken vases, to forgetting to finish a chore, how often does our anger outstrip our remembrance that the child's psychology and spiritual make up come first? Does our response to the mistakes of these young ones square with what is likely just normal behavior for that age?

Anas ibn Malik began serving the Prophet when he was 8-years old. Although happy to be in the company of the Messenger play often got in the way of accomplishing the tasks asked of him.

He says, “The Messenger of Allah was the best of people in character. One day he sent me on an errand. I replied, ‘I will not go.’ But then, my conscience told me to do as he instructed. But when I came out, I passed by a group of children playing in the street and I joined them. Later, the Messenger came out and caught me from behind and I looked at him and saw that he was laughing. He said: “Anas. Did you do as I asked you?” I replied: “I am going, O Messenger of Allah.” (Narrated by Muslim)

No scolding, just a gentle reminder, and one that came with the Prophet's laughter at that, for the Prophet understood what a lure a good game could be for a young boy. And that, after all, Anas was just a boy.

To be continued…

FROM AL-JUMUAH MAGAZINE