A teenager: not yet an adult but no longer a child
A teenager: not yet an adult but no longer a child
Parents are guides to the world of adults, whose main function is to support, accept and help teenagers live through this period safely.
However, we often slow down this process and do not allow our children to grow up, thus limiting their independence, determination and desires.
Remember yourself...
I invite adults to remember themselves at 14–16 years old. Try to plunge into those times for a while, see yourself from the outside, remember what it was like to be a teenager. What were you thinking then? Did you dream? What was missing? How did you cope? Pros and cons - and how did this period shape your life? Talk to your inner teenager.
It is important to separate your life experiences from those of your children, and, despite the status of parent, not interfere with the growth of a new personality. An adult may discover how he transfers his desires and unrealised possibilities to the child, trying to realize them: “I could not, but you can.” Or, due to strict restrictions that were set for him as a teenager, he gives the child maximum freedom of action.
Having analysed and accepted our life experience, taking responsibility for our own lives, we leave children the right to their own paths, in which we will not pursue our own goals, using our parental authority to show the child the way and provide support, but not determine, decide and do everything for the child.
Recommendations for parents of teenagers:
- Parents need to deal with their expectations and fears associated with adolescence in order to see their children for real, and not through the prism of their own beliefs.
- Try to be close to the child - not just physically - but be interested in his life, hobbies, and desires. Being in contact with children does not mean being “on the same wavelength,” but from the position of “I am an adult,” a parent who is always close to the child and is ready to respond to any of his requests.
- Perceive your child as an individual, allowing him to make his own decisions and take responsibility for their consequences and treat mistakes with understanding.
- Talk to children, discuss, reflect, analyse and, most importantly, give the child a voice - the opportunity to speak and be heard, even if you disagree. A teenager should have his own opinion.
- Mobile phone and social networks. Think about how much you know your child, whether you are close and whether there is trust in your relationship. Some are of the opinion that checking phone and networks is a violation of personal boundaries, while others check them for the safety of their child. Both opinions have the right to be and you should decide for yourself what is acceptable to you.
- Gadgets and computer games should not completely occupy a child’s free time. Prohibiting them is an ineffective method; try to show how you can use these means to meet your needs, while establishing acceptable limits for your family.
- Strive for knowledge within the whole family, despite age, and engage in joint hobbies - this unites family members.
- Celebrate your teen’s accomplishments. Be supportive, allow choices and intentions and trust that your teen can overcome any challenges.
Be mature parents who are responsible for raising children. This is sometimes an impossible task, because it is easier for us to blame it on society, hanging on the phone, being carried away by popular trends, blaming them for improper upbringing. This can affect parent-child relationships but only the participants themselves can break them.
There are no universal rules of education and its methods and techniques. What is put into practice will work differently even within the same family.
Therefore, being a father and mother is a very exciting process, you have to constantly look for new methods, approaches and even try something that might seem completely useless. The main thing is that we are concerned about the life of our own child. Then we will look for ways out of any situation, overcoming problems and at the same time maintaining friendly and trusting relationships with our children.
