I am tired of this life
I am tired of this life
This story was shared by a mother who experienced the death of her only child. During the entire conversation she tried to control herself, but every word she said was filled with acute, burning pain that would remain with her forever.
“Hello. I am A... And my ten-year-old son committed suicide. A week before his death, I was taken to hospital. While I was not at home, my girlfriend took him to school and to hockey, and his grandmother looked after him. Shortly before I went to the hospital, V. lost his phone, so I was not in touch with him. One day, my girlfriend came to our house and saw that he was sitting motionless, he was unconscious. The first time my mother called, all I heard was screaming. Mother sobbed into the phone, “Come quickly, V. is no more.” When I ran into our apartment, there were many doctors who were fighting for my son’s life. Forensic experts have arrived. The investigators’ guess is that he just wanted to attract attention to himself, maybe it was influenced by the fact that he lost his phone. We also had had arguments about studying. It was difficult to get him to sit down for his lessons. When we quarreled, he sometimes said, “Now I am going to die, what will you do?” But after such conversations we made peace.
His dream was to play in the NHL. When we filled out the form with him, he wrote: I will spend my first fee on my beloved mother.
After the tragedy, my friends did not leave my side for several months. I also contacted a psychologist. But the main thing that helped me not go crazy was faith in God. Do I blame myself for what happened? Yes. Our quarrel because of his lost phone remains within me. I said something sharp, but how could I have thought...”
Not a child’s melancholy
“What nonsense?!”, “You do not know what problems are!”, “When you grow up, you will remember everything and laugh!” - parents often say something similar when they hear their children complain about problems that are quite insignificant for us adults. Such words can easily plunge a child into an even more anxious state. How to recognize problems in a teenager and contact specialists in time and so save his life?
Should the topic of suicide be discussed with growing children? Many people mistakenly think that such a question can aggravate a teenager’s experiences. “For many, this question can become a lifeline that they can grab onto, an opportunity to honestly and openly say about what is happening to them,” emphasizes psychiatrist and psychotherapist Valentina Ilchenko. “You cannot tell children that they have no reason to worry. Banal phrases like ‘everything will be fine’ are not support but rather a devaluation of their fears, pain and experience. The most important thing that parents should say is, ‘I understand that this is difficult for you now.’ When your child begins to utter phrases such as ‘I want to die’, ‘It would be better if I did not exist’ or ‘I am tired of this life’, most parents think that this is just a way to achieve their desire and to attract attention. Unfortunately, this may be far from manipulation. And the phrases ‘everything is fine with you, you are not an orphan, you have everything you need to be happy’ can deeply hurt a teenager,” says Ilchenko.
How to distinguish between a child’s intention to commit suicide and an attempt to attract attention? Modern psychiatrists regard any manifestation of anti-vital behavior as a risk of suicide. “I emphasize once again that parents mistakenly regard a teenager’s threats to commit suicide as manipulation. Often the reason is much more serious: depression, mental disorders. When a child enters puberty, all changes in his behavior are attributed to age. When specialists begin their work, it turns out that isolation, protest, and anger were associated with clinical depression and schizophrenia spectrum disorder,” emphasizes Ilchenko.
Save me!
If parents have suspicions about their child’s suicidal tendencies, it is important to overcome their fear and not be led by emotions. We need to discuss this topic with him, without punishment, threats, or humiliation. The next step is to contact specialists. There is still a stereotype in our society that going to a psychiatrist is shameful. But when it comes to saving the life of a child, thinking about public opinion is crazy. Suicide is always a consequence of hidden, deep-seated problems occurring in the psyche. How to convince a child to see a doctor? Oddly enough, it is usually the parents who have to be persuaded; the modern generation is most often ready to undergo treatment with a psychotherapist. Adults turn a blind eye to the condition of their children until the last moment, until something irreparable happens.
Got into the network
When the first information about mass suicides of teenagers playing “Blue Whale” (“Silent House”) (2015) appeared in the news feeds, it was like a bomb exploding in society. Parents sounded the alarm and began to actively monitor what their children were doing on social networks. But several years passed, and the wave of anxiety began to subside. However, teenagers remain interested in games concerning death. Groups change names and rules, making it harder to track their organizers and participants. In 2023, child killers migrated to Telegram. The age of people joining suicidal communities has become even younger – just ten years.
“My daughter N. loved to study, relax with the whole family, and go to visit. But at one moment she became a different person. She shouted at her sister and stopped being interested in her studies. She carried her phone with her everywhere. I thought it was all about age, starting to grow up. In the summer we went on vacation, the situation there did not change. Glazed eyes. Lack of interest in everything that was happening. My daughter was saved by an accident. I sometimes took her phone, but she somehow hid her Telegram from me. But one time a message popped up. I noticed it. It seemed suspicious to me. I had to quietly take my daughter’s phone and figure out what kind of strange mailing was coming to her. “Horror” is not a word that can describe my state. A Telegram channel that sends messages about suicide in the most perverted forms. My N. is ten... you understand? Ten! We turned to a psychologist. My daughter said that she planned to kill herself” (T.).
Today, such a story is not something out of the ordinary. But parents continue to give their children smartphones with a clear conscience, check what they are doing with them once every six months and wonder where thoughts of suicide come from in the minds of their beautiful daughters and sons. How to keep your children safe? Install a parental control program on your smartphone; this will not completely, but at least partially protect your child from malicious channels. Limit the time your children spend on gadgets. Make an agreement with them on how much your family spends on social networks and video hosting sites and strictly adhere to this. Prohibit your child from being alone with the phone. Let him always be before your eyes, and, if you leave, take away from him this guide to “a world where anyone can capture his fragile soul”.
