Girlfriend-foe: put an end to an outdated relationship

Friendship does not always have a lifetime expiry date. Accordingly, not each of us is destined to maintain relationships with friends for many decades.

Our interests, aspirations and viewpoints change throughout life. Thus, it happens that we realise that our ways have separated from certain people who we were spiritually intimate and communicated closely with at some point in our life.

I wonder if there was a spiritual intimacy at all. Sometimes friendship arises from childhood, from common games of daughter-mothers, based on neighborhood or study in the same class and sometimes from common interests, such as going to the same sewing courses together. And suddenly or gradually it becomes clear that your paths have diverged. This happens for various reasons. For example, a girlfriend suddenly manifests herself not from her best side and we are not talking about mistakes that can be forgiven. Through the fault of girlfriends sometimes families break up, one’s career collapses and well-being, reputation and relations between relatives deteriorate. It also happens that two friends just run out of common interests and it turns out that there is nothing more to communicate about. They just lose interest in one another. What does this say? Most likely, that it is time to change your circle of friends, at least partially. It is time for some people to leave your life and make room for someone new, who corresponds to your current life.

So, leaving aside possible negative emotions, let us define how to understand that the expiration date of a given friendship, no matter how long it may have been, has passed?

1. A girlfriend lets us down or has even betrayed us more than once. However, with regard to betrayal, one case is enough to understand the situation.
2. She uses you as a sewer into which to drain her bad mood and release herself of other negativity but remains deaf to your own problems and affairs. As a result, after communicating with her, you mood is not only spoiled but your health worsens as well.
3. You have outgrown this friendship and moved to a new personal level but your girlfriend has remained the same. And, although you still wish her happiness, you are no longer interested in either her or the events of her life.
4. Your friend treats you like a consumer. She asks for or even demands help, lends and does not always return things or money and when it comes to helping you, she has a thousand excuses.
5. A girlfriend gossips about you in conversations with mutual acquaintances. Your secrets that you entrusted to her become common property and she either lies in answer to your claims, stating that she did not do anything like that, or says that she sees nothing wrong with it.
6. A girlfriend neglects or treats you derogatorily. She prefers to spend time with other people and, if you find yourself in the same company, she publicly makes caustic jokes at your expense, or makes fun of your taste, your things, and with pleasure puts you in an awkward position.

Of course, these are just a few of many possible reasons. But, as they say, if something in life is over, it must end. Let us look at how this can be done.

1. Conversation. It is better to plan it in advance: what and how to say it - what words to use to make it clear to your ex-girlfriend that you are no longer interested in communication. You should keep in mind that the reaction can be very different: surprise, indifference, mockery and even hysteria. Therefore, hold your line: if you succumb to her demanding to continue contacts, for her it will mean that she has won, and that means that she can continue to behave in the same way towards you. If she is a sane and adequate person, then she can agree with you, and it is likely that you will part on a good note, wishing each other all the best.
2. Gradual increase in distance. If for some reason you cannot have a frank conversation, then you begin to contact your girlfriend less and less. You can explain this to her with anything: a lot of work to do, tiredness, an urgent trip ... Do not call her, answer messages briefly and not immediately. Well, and during brief contacts - by phone or personal meetings – behave benevolently but disinterestedly.

We wish you, dear readers, real, good and reliable friends! So that you will never need to employ the methods we have listed.

Julia Zachesova, As-Salam correspondent