Four tips on how to deal with destructive jealousy

Four tips on how to deal with destructive jealousy

Many people consider jealousy as a sign of true love. If a person is jealous, it means that his “other half” is not indifferent to him. At the same time these people forget that strict control, mistrust, as well as addictive questioning are a signal of a pathology that can destroy any relationship. Let us try to find out how to cope with such pathological jealousy.

Jealousy is something that makes us feel constant fear that the one we love may leave us. Such thoughts destroy us from the inside, even if the jealousy is groundless. The anxiety, and fear that it creates, is just a fiction based on our low self esteem. Groundless jealousy is a certain way of manipulation. When a woman believes that she is not so good, beautiful or smart, and that she cannot be loved and accepted for who she is, she tries to take control of her husband’s life. She unconsciously tries to find a threat and test her husband’s loyalty.

Generally, these “jealous wives” shamelessly check their husband’s phone or computer; they read messages and emails, as well as go through their spouses’ social networks and remove friends those whom they consider as a threat. Some wives go so far that they even check bags, cars, or control the credit card of their husbands. They constantly try to confirm their fears and doubts, because they feel inside themselves that their husband is only pretending and being deceitful that he loves them.

These kind of thoughts in women’s minds makes them persistently look for a dirty trick in a relationship until it is found. And it does not matter that it might be no more than imagined. Such surveillance is strong and destructive experience for a woman. She begins to dramatize and imagine herself something that is not there and thus may fall into severe depression. Low self esteem is the reason for jealousy. It causes pathological mistrust and control over a man.

Dear sisters, remember that jealousy is an energy consuming feeling. It develops in childhood, in particular in unhappy families, when a girl hears from a mother that all men lie, so they cannot be trusted because of their constant cheating. Growing up, the child begins to believe this statement, and, of course, it affects self esteem and relationships with the opposite sex. The paradox is that even the demonstrated loyalty of a partner is not considered as an argument which will clear up any doubts: “Do not trust them, you will be deceived” they say. A jealous person will always look for a reason for conflict.

What to do?

1. Have a frank conversation with your husband.

Don’t be afraid to talk about this issue. Explain him what is bothering you. Tell him about your concerns and fears. He will surely help you to cope with groundless jealousy.

2. Do not be a “house detective”

Be frank with yourself. On the one hand you strive to cope with jealousy, but at the same time you cannot avoid checking your spouse’s phone. How should you deal with that? You must learn to trust your husband. Yes, it is a very difficult task when jealousy has overpowered you. But remember that relationships are complex processes. It is a pity that most of us have not been taught a simple truth: one has to work hard on relationships. Dealing with jealousy is not an easy thing but the fruits will be worthy of the work. To learn to trust your partner, you need to cope with the desire to check his notebook, phone messages or outgoing calls. Just try to ignore his phone; tell yourself that from this day on his phone is not a significant thing for you. It does not exist. Do not check his phone under any circumstances anymore!

3. Develop yourself

Start building your self esteem. Begin with self education to train your mind and exercise to train your body. Make yourself a goal and try to achieve it. Work on your inner peace.

4. Control your thoughts.

Shift your focus from your partner to something else. Find a hobby that takes up all your attention and leaves no room for negative thoughts.

May the Almighty help us to be the best wives for our husbands and transform destructive jealousy into powerful energy that helps us to develop and grow in all spheres of life.

SAFIA FOKINA

As-Salam newspaper correspondent