How to reconcile after quarrel with a friend?
How to reconcile after quarrel with a friend?
In the previous issue of our newspaper we wrote how to properly, and as painlessly as possible, end a relationship with a friend if you have nothing in common with her and there are no reasons to continue communication that you no longer need. Now let us talk about how to maintain friendship if girlfriends have had a quarrel and at least one of them wants to reconcile.
First of all, it should be remembered that it takes two to quarrel, so only one of the parties is not always to blame for what happened. Consider the reasons why quarrels most often occur.
Resentment. You or she said something that hurt the other. At the same time, what she said did not mean anything bad. And, word for word, resentment flared up, and a quarrel followed. Why could the words you said hurt one of you? This is possible if one of you is either excessively vulnerable, or the conversation was about a subject that was not indifferent to you, or it seemed to you that what was said sounded derisive, dismissive or rude.
Envy. Yes, if one of the friends is more successful in any field and, willingly or unwittingly, emphasizes this, the other, especially on the basis of dissatisfaction with herself, may develop a feeling of envy. And at some point, if the less successful one does not start working on self-development, any reason may be enough for a quarrel.
Jealousy. A woman can be jealous of a girlfriend, contrary to expectations, not only about a man, but also about other friends, and even for some activity to which she devotes more time than to her. Making issues about such a matter, may not be far from a quarrel.
Pride. If one of the friends thinks she is better than others, this can cause her to look down on her friend, which few people like.
Different views and beliefs. It is believed that opposites attract. But this attraction should be able to be maintained, for which you should respect the views of a friend if they differ from yours. The main thing is not to offend the feelings and principles of one other.
Arrogance leading to violation of personal boundaries. If one of the friends insists to do something on her own, tries to force the other to do something, and even raises her voice, this will force the other to defend herself and almost certainly will lead to a quarrel.
What to do if a quarrel has happened?
First of all, reconciliation requires the desire of both parties, at least yours. You should, if possible, calmly comprehend the situation, determine the reasons for what happened, and then invite your friend to discuss the conflict, choosing a convenient time and place. If your actions became the cause of the quarrel, you should apologise without hesitation, saying that you understand her feelings, you were not intending to offend her at all and you are sorry that this happened. If she is to blame, you can still be the first to apologize in some cases, for there is a chance that she will respond with a counter apology.
You can contact her for a conversation in different ways:
1) call,
2) write to a messenger or to an account on a social network,
3) convey through common trusted friends,
4) come to the place where, as you know, she frequents.
For better reconciliation, you can give your friend a small gift, either something traditional, such as sweets, chocolate, a beautiful keychain, or something that she loves.
Speak in a calm, friendly tone. You can joke a little, but do not turn what happened into a joke so that your friend does not think that you consider the quarrel a trifle that is not worth attention.
You should tell your friend that, despite the misunderstanding, you would like to continue communi-cation, because you value a warm relationship with her, and temporary disagreements should not become a stumbling block to your friendship.
How to prevent possible quarrels?
Agree with her that in the future, if similar circumstances suddenly arise, both of you will immediately tell each other what hurts you or does not suit you in order to prevent a new quarrel. This is called learning to communicate. Do not conceal the problem, even if it seems small, so that later it does not turn into a snowball.
You should not discuss the situation with strangers behind your girlfriend’s back. She may learn about it, and from common acquaintances. And we do not know in what terms and under what circumstances they will convey this to her and how she may interpret what was said.
Do not talk about matters that a friend takes too close to her heart or are painful. It is advisable to immediately find out what such matters are, and, in turn, communicate that which you yourself would not like to discuss. Thus, you will show a delicate and respectful attitude towards each other. You should not express an opinion about the affairs of a friend if you are not sure that she wants to and expects it from you.
Try to spend more time together - invite your friend for walks, cafes, events, shopping together, etc. Ask her opinions on various issues, showing that her personality and views are still important and interesting to you.
