THE GIFT OF TRUE FRIENDS

Features of a true friend

Friendship is about reciprocating good manners, good advice and being a role model to one another, overlooking small mistakes but not abdicating the task of reminding each other of goodness. It is about cheerfulness of the face, softness of the tongue and largeness of the heart. Agreement on everything is not the condition of friendship, but dignified disagreement is essential. Maintaining and spreading modesty (haya) and practising cleanliness and purity (taharah) are vital.

Being happy with a friend’s success and not being envious, is essential. Allah censures the envious one, ‘‘Or do they envy men for what Allah has given them from His bounty.’’ (Koran 4:94).

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘‘Do not envy one another.’’ (Muslim).

Keeping promises to one another is vital. Sufyan ath-Thawri (d.164H) said, ‘‘Do not make a promise to your companion and then break it, so that love turns to hate.’

Characteristics of good friendship are as follows:

They leave each other’s company with a higher level of faith (in Allah).
They always meet each other or start talk with the Islamic greeting ‘Assalamu Alaykum’ with reciprocal response.
They exchange useful and mature ideas and thoughts.
They do not shun the reforming of each other’s mistakes or bad habits, but do this with politeness and humility.
They do not waste each other’s time in vain talk or useless activities.
They never encourage each other to do wrong and invite to a place or gathering of sin.
They stand firm by each other’s side when needed – ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed.’

Features of a bad friend

One should be wise enough to know who their true friends are and who are bogus. Anyone who tries to pull towards falsehood or wrong deeds is a false friend. One should keep away from him. Here are a few characteristics of a bad friend:

They backbite and make fun of people; laugh at others or call each other with demeaning names for fun; they laugh at each other’s cruel jokes about someone else.
They get involved in activities that delay or do away with compulsory prayer.
They entice each other in fulfilling desire and end up spending money on things you do not really need.
They raise and discuss unimportant or vain things, such as films or the latest gadgets.
They avoid pointing out each other’s mistakes or weaknesses, even if they are serious.
They are ‘fair weather friends.’

How to overcome bad friendship

More often than not we make friendships that are not beneficial to our life. However, if this is a friendship made from a young age or a new friendship, it is difficult to tell early on what kind on individual the friend is, unless one is vigilant from the beginning. With time and experience we can determine if the friend is a good or bad influence in our lives. Leaving a friendship can sometimes be heartbreaking, especially if that person has been present for a long time, but it is important to acknowledge the fact that not all friendships last forever.

Helping a friend through difficult times is admirable. Advising and listening to a friend can do a world of good, but if the friend still decides to go on the wrong path in spite of all efforts, there is only so much one can do. Sometimes distancing oneself is the only option. Making dua that the person be guided is always necessary, however it is detrimental to one’s own wellbeing, if one is continually placed in a toxic environment. Explaining the situation to the friend will allow you to part on good terms; keeping the ties of communication is important.

Friendship is crucial in our life and can be more powerful than one’s relationship with parents, siblings and spouse. It helps determine and shape a person when they are younger and can provide a strong emotional support when they are older. In this day and age finding good friends that will truly look out for you and help in the remembrance of Allah is a gift and should not be taken for granted.

It is better to have just a handful of good friends rather than many bad ones. Young people nowadays have hundreds of friends on their Facebook profile. Out of all these friends, which of them will truly stand up for a friend when things get tough? Which of them will better help for this life and the hereafter?

It is important that we always have true friends for the best of this world and the Hereafter. It is vital that we learn to choose true friends from among the many we may have in our life. Caring parents and elders in the family should be able to help youngsters in choosing good friends that help them not only in their education but also in manners, etiquettes and Islamic practices that include good neighbourliness and citizenship for the good of all. True friendship needs nurturing, as a proverb says, “Friendship is a plant we must often water”.

THE GIFT OF TRUE FRIENDS