How to stop being resentful?
How to stop being resentful?
“One who is not too pleased with himself gets offended easily.” Józef Kraszewski, Polish writer, publicist of the 19th century
We all experience a variety of feelings throughout our lives: joy, love, anger, indignation, hatred, resentment, etc. These feelings appear in our hearts without asking, we have no power over them. But it is in our power to learn to navigate these feelings correctly. So, today we will talk about resentment.
Based on the work of psychologists, we learn that resentment is essentially a hidden form of pride. Resentment happens at a moment when our expectations do not coincide with reality for one reason or another. Let us try to figure it out.
If you think about it carefully, a person decides for himself whether to be offended or not. Experts note that often, when we are offended, we try to benefit ourselves, to get what we want from our “offender” by any means. Thus, a person resorts to manipulation and causes a feeling of guilt in the “offender”: since you offended me, you shall compensate for the damage done to me. Therefore, contacting those who take offense for any reason is very tiring.
Yes, it may have happened that we were treated badly, undeservedly insulted and humiliated; our feelings, trust, etc. were betrayed. What to do in such cases? You just need to acknowledge your feelings, give them the right to be. In this case, they will soon cease to rule over you. It is important to speak out your feelings, say, for example, like this: yes, I am offended, hurt, bad, sad... You cannot accumulate a burden of grievances in your soul, which with its weight will poison your life.
What does not happen in this world! But you should not take away your energy by taking offense at someone; you should not waste your resources in vain. In addition, scientists have long discovered that when a person is offended, the stress hormone cortisol increases greatly and a desperate desire to take revenge and restore justice appears. All this often leads to various diseases.
We have already noted that often resentment is a way of manipulation. In such a case, the offended person simply wants to receive recognition (that he is important, needed), love, attention to himself. Of course, he should receive all this first of all from himself. But if he does not give himself these basic needs, then he has to compensate for them at the expense of others. At the beginning, we also mentioned that resentment is a hidden form of pride.
It is proud people who are the most touchy. The thing is that their ego is inflamed to such an extent that any word said to them, even without malicious intent, is perceived with hostility. At the same time, proud people have very low self-esteem, i.e., they do not realize their value and uniqueness. If a person does not accept himself - mentally, physically, emotionally - then he will certainly react very sharply to everything and everyone, will live in the firm belief that everyone is offending him, everyone wishes him harm. It turns out that the lower a person’s self-esteem, the higher his pride.
What can be advised to touchy people? To work on themselves, on their ego. Love and appreciate themself. Respect themselves and other people as the creation of the Creator. And then, I think, such an unpleasant feeling as resentment will linger in our hearts less and less.
