No fears for tears: how crying helps relieve stress
“People do not cry because they are weak. They cry because they have been strong for too long”. (Johnny Depp)
Tears rolling down your cheeks at times of sadness, irritation or joy is a natural human reaction. The lacrimal gland produces fluid which cleanses and protects the eye's surface as it lubricates and moistens it. There are three types of tears: a) basal tears – they moisturise and protect the eyes from foreign particles; b) reflex tears which are released in much larger amounts when some physical stimuli, including bright light, get into the eyes; c) emotional tears which are none other than a natural psychophysiological reaction of the body in response to difficult life situations.
Some of the interesting facts about tears:
- they appear at the end of the first month of an infant's life;
- the physiology of male tears is no different from female ones;
- an adult female cries from 30 to 64 times a year on average and a man from 6 to 17 times a year;
- men cry 2-4 minutes at a time while women – for 6 minutes;
- crying reduces blood pressure and pulse rate;
- a good 15-minute crying session relieves tension that has been accumulated in the body.
Babies resort to crying as a reflex reaction to pain alerting their parents in good time if anything is wrong with their health to help them eliminate the cause of anxiety or malaise. On top of that, the child faces the first «ban» on shedding tears when there is something that even the adult he respects the most is not quite able to handle, if at all.
The child is told: «stop crying», «snap out of it», «big boys don't cry», «man up», «girls should not cry lest they are seen as crybabies» or «you're so big and yet so crying»... These adults inspire false beliefs in children, namely: «shedding tears is bad», «crying is frowned upon» and, yes, «it's the suckers that cry» thus demonstrating their utter indifference to vulnerable children by invalidating their feelings. It impedes the natural process of cultivating empathy and compassion. After all, is it not much easier to stop tears rather than to listen to a person or give him a shoulder to cry on?
So, why do we shed tears and should we cry at all?
It is common knowledge that scientists have been interested in the phenomenon of tears since very ancient times. Thus Aristotle wrote that crying «cleanses the mind» of suppressed emotions. A modern scientist and biochemist, William Frey, spent more than twenty years studying the phenomenon of tears and finally wrote the book «Crying: the Mystery of Tears» in 1985. He argued that crying is a natural human need that allows you to cope with stress by reducing the activity of the stress hormone cortisol.
«The ability to cry literally prolongs people's lives,» Frey noted. According to Ada Wingerhoots, a Dutch psychologist, the emotional cause of tears is a feeling of powerlessness or hopelessness which is followed by fear, sadness and disappointment. With losses and breaks of emotional ties, tears help us wash away the accumulated pain, sadness and suffering.
Many people find themselves feeling a real small rush of high spirits after a good cry due to the excretion of manganese residues contained in tears from the body while their oversaturation leads to increased fatigue, drowsiness, anxiety, irritability and aggressiveness. Jerome Neu, an American philosopher, once wrote in his book entitled «A Tear is an Intellectual Thing» that emotional tears are mysteriously connected with our characters, thoughts and personalities. The ability to experience feelings and emotions makes us humane and compassionate.
Men do not cry
There are some stereotypes about male tears... If men did not need to cry, they would have no tears as such. They cry when they are overcome by failures or fatigue, weaknesses and incapacities and the humdrum of daily life but they do it when they are alone and do not feel as though they are being watched or scrutinised. Andrey Zorin, an Oxford University professor, claims that men's tears stand for a positive emotional reaction in a number of cultures.
«It's been quite a revelation for me to find out that the cult of a strong male warrior - janissar, fighting on the battlefield, has always been predominant in the ancient Islamic culture. Having said that, these brave warriors would give full vent to their feelings since shedding tears could be easily combined with courage and heroism. Crying is a strong emotional response as it indicates your passion and strength by adding some extra element to your image of a mighty and heroic warrior.»
What should you do when somebody cries?
Tears is a vehicle of social interaction, a signal to others that a person's condition has changed, and that he needs help and support. If someone starts crying in front of you, it is natural that you get confused although that is what makes the crying person feel that his tears are a sign of weakness. Do not rush to cheer up a crying person or offer him immediate help; cut him some slack and let him cry for a while.
If you are around someone who is crying:
- Acknowledge their sadness, embarrassment or pain and show empathy for their feelings.
- Respect their tears. Let them release their feelings and show them that you care about them.
- Do not rush to give them advice or say anything at all. Give them a chance to live through it all.
- After they open up to you, make sure you do everything you can to help them cope with their emotions. Talk to them with empathy and understanding.
It is not always the sad moments that make people cry. Crying tears of joy is also absolutely normal. The first tear of happiness spills from the right eye while the tears of pain and grief flow first from the left eye. Do not hesitate, allow yourself to cry if you feel like it, cry out from the heart and be genuine and sincere not only in courage and resilience but also in the weakness of releasing your amazing emotions. You are almost an adult but you still can give free vent to your suppressed tears ...
NAIDA ALIEVA
