A du’a that saves families
A family is a union between a man and a woman and a social unit as well. However, to preserve the family and protect it from danger, both spouses must work hard. The man must make a greater contribution, as he is the head of the family and bears greater responsibility for it.
To avoid discord in the family, spouses must show incredible patience, ignoring the grievances and inconveniences they occasionally cause each other. In this case, the husband should be more forgiving and tolerant of his wife’s whims.
If a Muslim wants to know what a relationship between spouses should be, he does not need to study or read books on psychology; he can simply turn to the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is the best example for Muslims in all matters, including family matters. The Messenger of God ﷺ taught his followers that good treatment of one’s family and wife only elevates a man’s level before Allah the Most High.
Some men consider good treatment to a wife as a weakness, and therefore, by being rude to their wives, they supposedly demonstrate masculinity. However, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself helped his wives with household chores, and he was the best for his family.
It was reported from Aisha that the Messenger of God ﷺ said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi).
The companions of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, their followers (the Tabi’een) and other righteous people demonstrated the same attitude toward their families.
Imam Ibn Hajar al-Haytami writes in his book, Az-Zawajir ‘an iktiran al-Kabair, “It is narrated that a man came to the Commander of the Faithful, Umar ibn al-Khattab, to complain about his wife’s bad temper. He went to the Commander and waited for him at the door of his house.
At that moment, he heard ‘Umar’s wife scolding the Commander of the Faithful. Umar remained patiently silent and did not utter a word in response. Then he turned and walked back, saying to himself, “If this is the case with the Commander of the Faithful, then what have I to complain about?”
Just then, “Umar himself emerged from the house. Seeing the man leaving, he asked, “What did you want to ask?” The man replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, I came to complain about my wife’s bad temper and her arrogance towards me. But then I heard your wife scolding you in the same way, and I decided to go back, thinking to myself, ‘If this is the case with the Commander of the Faithful, then what have I to complain about?’
Then Umar replied, “O my brother, I try to be patient in such moments, for I have a duty to her. At the same time, she cooks my food, bakes bread, washes my clothes and breastfeeds my children, although none of this is her responsibility. She also helps me avoid forbidden things. Considering all this, I try to be patient when she displays her character.”
The man said, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, the same applies to me and my wife.’ Umar replied, ‘And you, brother, be patient, for life is fleeting, like the blink of an eye.’
Imagine, the Commander of the Faithful, Umar ibn Al-Khattab, before whom the mighty of this world trembled and whom the greatest companions revered, tolerated his wife’s character.
From ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas it is reported, “I wanted to ask ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab about an ayah for a whole year, but I could not bring myself to do so out of respect for him until he went on Hajj, which I went on with him.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Muslim).
Many of us have read such stories and heard them in the sermons of the imams but most of us still act differently because we are incapable of patience.
A very bad trait of today’s youth, especially in family relationships, is that many act as they are used to, even though they know perfectly well what is correct behaviour.
Every imam at a wedding explains the spouses’ rights and responsibilities and strictly instructs the husband not to immediately grant a divorce during a family breakdown. Husbands are especially warned against divorcing three times but, unfortunately, many forget this in the heat of anger and act “as they are used to”, even though this brings them many troubles and inconveniences in the future.
It is undeniable that in today’s highly emancipated world, even in a Muslim family, it is very difficult for a man to assert his right to headship. However, resorting to radical measures, even in such cases, will not lead to anything good. Therefore, in all cases, it is necessary to seek more peaceful and reasonable solutions to this problem.
One of the most effective solutions in this case is dua (supplication) for one’s spouse. Dua is, in principle, a believer’s most powerful weapon, which can be used for peaceful purposes.
After all, in all troubles and adversities, it is important to remember that we are all created by one Creator and everything that happens to us happens only by His will. Therefore, to resolve a problem or correct a person, it is best to turn to the One who created that person and shaped their character, problems and so on.
We often worry about our family, loved ones and friends if they have strayed from the true path and changed their life direction. But why do we not show due understanding and patience toward those with whom we live under the same roof?
If a spouse was dissatisfied with the other’s character, the Messenger of God ﷺ advised him to turn to Almighty Allah with prayers.
In such cases, one can make the du’a that is mentioned in the hadith narrated by ‘Ali ibn Abu Talib: “Allahuma-hdihi(ha) li-ahsanil ahlaqi, la yahdi li-ahsaniha illa anta, wa-srif ‘anhu(ha) sayyiaha, la yasrifu ‘anhu(ha) sayyiaha illa anta”.
“O Allah! Guide him (her) to the best moral character, for no one but You can guide him (her) to the best moral character. And remove him (her) from bad character, for no one can remove him (her) from bad character except You.” (Narrated by Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi).
Only Allah, the Most High, guides us to the best character and Allah, the Most High, also removes bad character. Without a connection with the Creator, it is impossible to acquire good character or eliminate bad character, for this is already inherent in us. We need the help of Allah to acquire good character and neutralise bad character.
The hearts of slaves are subject only to the Most High Creator. Therefore, spouses must turn to Allah with supplications to correct the bad character of their other halves.
And most importantly, remember, Allah, the Most High, accepts our sincere du’as and supplications.
