Four phrases you should not say to your children
“What is wrong with your hands?! - Well, mom ... - Who washes the dishes like that? Leave them, you fail in everything you do!”
Such a dialogue sadly occurs in many families in everyday life. We parents, when tired and overwhelmed, in a moment of irritation with our children may say words that may haunt them for many years and prevent them from being happy, successful and strong.
It is very easy to destroy peace in children’s hearts, as well as to shake their own confidence in themselves and in their surroundings. And it will take long and painstaking work to nurture these feelings again.
We all want a happy future for our daughters and sons. Therefore, we need to pay careful attention to those phrases that sometimes slip out of our mouths and hurt little hearts.
1. “You can’t!”
“You won’t succeed”, “You won’t be able to” and similar phrases destroy a child’s self-esteem and his desire to learn something new. For example, if children decide to clean the house and they do not do the work perfectly, wise parents will support and tell them how to do everything properly. They say “Let me help you” instead of “You can't” to their child.
2. “Your problem is not a problem”
Our children face a lot of problems when they grow up: a girlfriend has made a friendship with another girl or a favorite toy has broken or they could not draw a picture and so on. Children come to us with various complaints and often hear from us such words such as,
“Well, why are you crying over nothing ...”, “Is this really a problem?” Such a response to children’s concerns above all indicates that the parents are tired. If children constantly receive such a reaction from mom and dad, they will learn to suppress their emotions when talking to their parents and become closed and secretive.
Family psychologists advise responding to a child’s concerns with such questions as, “How can I help you now?”, “What exactly worries you?”, “Do you want me to stay with you?”, “Are you sad because of ...?”
We must help our children to recognize feelings and learn to experience them.
3. “Get out of here!”
Childish games get on our nerves. But self-control is one of the qualities that distinguish a mature adult person from those who have not yet reached this age. Even if a wave of anger and irritation submerges us headlong, we must emerge from it.
“I don’t want to see you!”, “Get lost!” These words, expressed by adults in anger, can destroy a vulnerable child’s mental state and have enormous consequences ranging from a feeling of deep loneliness and isolation to reciprocal aggression.
4. “I don’t love you.”
It is scary to even imagine that an adult and normal person can say such a thing to a child. But practice shows that this happens. “I don’t love you” is a phrase that can “kill”. It destroys in the minds of children the foundation of what forms their personality - the confidence that their mother and father love them. These forbidden words can injure the mental state of both toddler and teenager and leave a life-long wound.
SAFIA FOKINA
